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"Research has shown that such people are overrepresented among cases of fals...

"Research has shown that such people are overrepresented among cases of false confession because the conditions of their illness - such as proneness t... - Nyawela Gianna - Google+

Wednesday, August 16

Community: National Counseling Group

Despite the “national” in National Counseling Group, this organization only serves the state of Virginia.  With a broad range of services to meet the needs of their clients they were also ranked one of the best places to work in the Richmond region in 2015. Using their C.A.R.E. approach, they provide behavioral healthcare services to individuals & families in both the outpatient & in-home setting.  However, if they aren’t able to provide the services themselves, they will put clients in contact with other community providers and in some cases cover any costs in an effort facilitate timely care.  An additional bonus: training programs are available to professionals beyond the organization.

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Thursday, July 27

Feeling... Discouraged


“... I've vowed in moments like these I would remain silent. To make any other
choice would also be to choose to once again pressure myself to be someone I
can’t.” For more about me outside of my struggle with mental illness, and now
celiac disease, visit me here on Google Plus…”

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Thursday, May 11

Can't Have Nice Things

"Finally, I was accepting and came to see the obvious: if I didn’t learn how to take care of myself, I would have no chance to enjoy life at all. At this point, I just need a little time and a lot of practice." - excerpt from Where I Am: A Time Before Fifteen

Well so much for that.  It's 3 a.m.*   And I can't sleep.  As a matter of fact, I haven't slept well for the last few days and I’m becoming unhinged.  Without a doubt it’s because my body is still fighting the gluten attack from Sunday.  I've even taken Benadryl!  Which I never do if I don't have to work.  I’m desperate now.  I was so happy and relieved when the diagnosis came down: celiac disease.  And I've felt great since being gluten-free!  But lucky me, there’s always a risk of cross-contamination and it must’ve happened.

I've lost 30 pounds the last three months or so; five pounds since Sunday. I've taken care of myself as best I could this week.  But it's so hard.  I'm almost always more exhausted than usual which is in part due to only being able to tolerate sips of clear liquids.  Equally frustrating is the fogginess that prevents me from doing things that require any amount of concentration.  That means no reading, no writing, no arithmetic, no peace.  

Just kidding about the math.  So not kidding about all the shit that I want to do that I can't: finishing my puzzle, getting through my reading list, learning more about my craft, my people, my lord & savior, being an encouragement to others like me.  I just don't have the mental or emotional stamina for anything!

Let's talk about that!  I haven't been able to take my meds consistently with these attacks.  I worry specifically about Lamictal and Effexor. Effexor I have to take with food.  Well, I haven't eaten anything since Sunday morning.  I don't have to take my Lamictal with food but, getting down that big ass chalky pill is damn near impossible right now.  

So what then?  Are my blood levels so low the medication is no longer therapeutic?  Twelve months without a major mood swing but now I fear falling.  Depression is widely known and heavily documented to eventually accompany chronic physical illness.  What's next beyond a mood swing?  I’m already content to not waking up most days.  Is ideation closer now?    

I just feel so hopeless.  Helpless.  Seems like for every step I take forward, I fall back several more.  My life is a mess again…

* Thursday, January 14th, 2017

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Tuesday, March 7

Tuesday the 14th*: Here

One month out…
from last flair and some meaningful time off recently, I'm finally getting my life back on track.  Oil change, therapy, dental, etc. appointments are being made and my housekeeper is coming on Friday.

the cyst on my ovary is the same size as it was 4 months ago. After a follow-up ultrasound, my GynDoc believes it to be endometriotic and not hemorrhagic. I've chosen to follow-up for another ultrasound this summer before deciding on surgery.  Still no pain and hoping it stays that way.

I haven’t been able…
to do too many of the things that relax me though.  I think the last relaxing thing I did, besides sleep all day, was a massage about a month ago.  Maybe some coloring here and there but mostly just laying in bed: sleeping, watching TV or both.


I have managed…
to take care of my hair these last few months.  Surprisingly.  I kept it simple though: wash, moisturize and air dry for the most part.  Three flat twists when I had the energy.  But mostly headbands and bobby pins.  Sad to say I don’t know what a mani/pedi is anymore though.

These last 4 months…
have wreaked havoc on my skin. But even before that it seemed as though I hit a plateau. Since it had been just about a year since starting the tretnoin, I crawled back to my DermDoc and she added aczone.  It’s already working!.

Work, rather my confidence…
as a professional, is better.  Having 2 consecutive days off without doctor's appointments surely helped.  I got to clear my mind.  Put things in perspective.  We haven’t been over capacity the last week or so either.  A much need break for the entire facility.


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Monday, December 12

Feeling... Afraid


“... I've vowed in moments like these I would remain silent. To make any other choice would also be to choose to once again pressure myself to be someone I can’t.” For more about me outside of my struggle with mental illness, visit me here on Google Plus...
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Saturday, November 26

Sunday the 13th: #hernialife


My general doc says…
my issue is more constipation than hernia though.  She suggested I get sources of fiber other than Metamucil like cereals & beans, only using metamucil as a true supplement when I haven't gotten the daily recommended amount.

Thanks to the above…
my 7 day vaca turned into a 4 day minus $300.  When I finally got to Palm Beach Shores I had a great time: mani/pedi, seaweed wrap, massage, bike ride, Spanish red beans & rice, zzz’s on the beach.  

Then it was back…
to work.  Last week was pretty great.  All eight hour shifts.  This week?  Blah.  Started with a twelve hour shift and it’s been shit since.  Starting to feel burnout.  At least I hope it’s just burnout (see above *sigh*).

I’ve told myself before…
one of my days off needs to be spent outside my apartment.  The movies, library, bookstore, coffee shop.  Something!  Getting tired, literally, of laying around at home.  Now that I've got some of priorities together: writing schedule, diet/exercise/rest plan, etc., it's something I need to fit into self care.

And finally...
I have one statement and one question regarding the 2016 Presidential Election: Trump Nation. Why are you surprised America?

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Sunday, November 6

Article: The Five Communication Styles

In revisiting the issues that plagued my mother and I’s relationship before leaving home, I got to thinking more deeply about the importance of good communication in all relationships…

I remember writing a paper in community college about the communication loop.  I can’t remember how that topic was chosen in the first place but it was very interesting.  I found the sender and his message most interesting.  In doing research for that paper, nominal really, I learned how important it is for the sender to prepare (content) and package (tone, body language) their message before sending it.  Leave something important out, include something trivial, send it with the wrong attitude, in the wrong manner, even at the wrong time and the consequences could be destructive.

I often say a person gets only one opportunity to “stick the landing” in conversation; one chance to make it count.  When those conversations are also disagreements, it's our emotions that end up formulating and sending many of our messages unfortunately. Original intents are lost, core issues aren't addressed and our needs aren’t met.   I know this first hand.  ‘Cause I’ve always had difficulty communicating and fear often drove it.  

Always an extreme of not saying anything out of fear to the other of near rage from not having said anything, I never got the desired response.  And of course!  How could I if the receiver never understood my intent?  What was my intent?  Did I know in either extreme? I didn’t know it then but I was screaming out for help even in my silence.  So in the same vein, I’ve learned that recognizing my needs apart from being able to communicate them is equally important.   

Don’t get me wrong.  I am in no way absolving mature individuals of the responsibility to know how to identify the needs of a dependent.  But I could’ve avoided years of frustration, resentment and bitterness if I had this understanding much sooner than my thirties.  It’s why it has become a top priority for me in my personal life.  Even more so in my professional life.

Because I am a highly sensitive person on top of having mood disorder, it’s so easy for me to become consumed with emotion during exciting conversations.  So I’ve adopted a strategy: take a step back, mute the noise, look at facts, identify the issue and by all means keep it center.  And should the receiver get carried away in emotion, the only thing left to do is bow out of the conversation.  At minimum, my livelihood depends on it.

The following article suggests several communication styles and their characteristics, including those of its user.  Knowing how to identify these styles will not only help the sender to improve their own communication skills but will also help them to avoid the emotional pitfalls that some styles can create.

“Learning to identify the different communication styles - and recognising which one we use most often in our daily interactions with friends, family and colleagues - is essential if we want to develop effective, assertive communication skills… Being assertive means respecting yourself and other people.  It is the ability to clearly express your thoughts and feelings through open, honest and direct communication.”

con’t reading “The Five Communication Styles” by Claire Newton. Retrieved November 4th, 2015 from http://www.clairenewton.co.za/my-articles/the-five-communication-styles.html

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