Waiting for today...: Article: What Depression Feels Like

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Friday, April 18

Article: What Depression Feels Like

Hi, I'm still new to PC and I'm new to the depression forums.

I can identify with what everyone has said. Especially about being empty, feeling like I don't belong and having so much to do but not being able to begin.

It's almost like I feel as though I'm a robot... just moving from here to there without any real purpose of my own, empty. Like at work, I just want to go, do what I "have" to do and go back home where it's safe, so I can "turn off". I block out everything that's happening around me... nothing matters.
I isolate myself, I don't want to talk to anyone because I either have to lie about how I'm feeling or I have to talk about it. It's exhausting. And while people mean well, what they say will often irritate the f*** out of me or make me feel worse.
I don't take care of myself: don't shower, wear the same dirty clothes every day. I eat but not for nutrition, it's for comfort so I eat junk food. I lay in bed all day watching TV and when I have to go out somewhere, I playback the made up life I created as a child over and over again in my head while I avoid eye contact and conversation with people.
And once I'm depressed... once I'm in that dark place, I'm almost always afraid to leave. It's like I don't want to confront all that has been neglected... like it's too much work to put my life back together again. -- February 6th, 2014 Reply to “Can You Describe Your Lowest Low?” on the Forums at Psych Central

Hardly poetic, yet very therapeutic.  It was the first time I actually described my depression in public without all the sugarcoating. Without holding back. Without the fear of rejection, glances of skepticism or having to endure half-assed attempts at encouragement. For a change I was able to open up and be honest about how I really felt in the midst of a depressive episode.  It wasn’t much.  It was therapeutic.  Not at all poetic.   But the following article includes a very poetic first person account of what depression feels like.

Hanging out with depression crushes me...
I can’t breathe. I am alone and drowning and I can’t swim and the water is dark and vast and there is no bottom...
I want to just sleep I can’t wait to sleep but then it wakes me up, way before dawn…
It overshadows everything… The sun doesn’t shine here…

con’t reading: What Depression Feels Like written by Anonymous, published by Samantha Smithstein Psy.D.,  contributor on Psychologytoday.com and author of What The Wild Things Are. Retrieved on June 17th, 2014 from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/201403/what-depression-feels