Waiting for today...: Pressing On: Where I Am, Part 1

Tuesday, June 17

Pressing On: Where I Am, Part 1

my mood…
It was late March when my depression finally lifted.  Since then my mood has not strayed too far from normal.  I have been mostly successful keeping two of my three priorities: hygiene and home.  I have also been consistently social.  There was a week in May in which I found myself becoming increasingly irritable.  I saw my therapist at the end of the month and thought that I would be fine.  However, I was sad after my session and fearful that depression was sinking in again.  Thankfully, a while later, I pinpointed the reason for my sadness and plucked it.
As I move into June and July, I would like to incorporate the following into my lifestyle: meal planning for mind and body, mindfulness for mind and emotion, volunteering for soul and spirit.
my treatment…
I have continued my psychotherapy and medication regimen.  I can thankfully say my medication dosages have remained the same and still no side effects: Lamictal 100mg daily  and Celexa 20 mg daily.
I’ve had significant improvement since beginning therapy.  Therefore my therapist and I have begun experimenting with reducing the frequency of my visits from every 2 weeks to every 3-4 weeks.  It is necessary to eventually cut that umbilical cord if I am to be in control of my own wellness; if I am to avoid developing yet another case of accidental co-dependency.  Knowing I am able to make an appointment at any time has lessened my initial anxiety about this.
I understand how important nutrition is for mental health as well as physical health.  So, over the last few weeks, I have been focusing a bit more on my diet.  On the other hand, beginning an exercise routine, at this point, is terribly daunting.  Because I already have days where I feel stretched, I don’t want to take on too much too soon.  Compared to diet and meal planning, I would have to make a greater effort to incorporate exercise into my days.   
breakthroughs and relationships...
I've known depression longer than I've known myself… an eye opening revelation that I came to a short time ago.  It's a relieving truth because I now have a chance of a whole new life.  For the first time, I'm finding contentment in the quirks and other aspects of my personality that have otherwise been quelled.  For instance:
▫   I am indeed a home body. I enjoy spending time with people but tire easily from certain social situations.  For this reason, I need respite time with myself.
▫   My attention span does not allow me to complete large tasks.  I will eventually find ways to procrastinate; feelings of failure will set in some time later.  Therefore, I need to divide large projects into smaller ones, even move on to an entirely different project, to break up the monotony allowing a return to the first with a renewed interest.
▫   I’m more of an evening person than a morning person.  Bedtime is often after midnight.  Yet, my internal clock still wakes me between 6 and 7am to which my usual response is to return to slumber.  If I should arise at that time, the perfect morning would be to do a bit of cleaning, have a light breakfast followed by a mid-morning nap.
While this revelation is relieving, it is at the same time troubling.  The conditions are optimal to slip back into damaging habits.  I’m also reminded of how difficult the process will be.  Known to beat myself up over very miniscule things, I've been trying to be easy and more patient.  A ramification of my impatience is regression… very costly.

continue to: ... Part 2