Waiting for today...: Checking Out

Monday, July 7

Checking Out

Signage for Ragtime Tavern in Atlantic Beach Florida...

I've learned over the last few months that listening to my body will help me to avoid the grip of depression. As I have yet to get adjusted to working consecutive twelve hour shifts, my body is screaming out “enough is enough already!”   When exhaustion begins to set in but there’s no rest in sight, I simply check out.   I check out for self-preservation, for survival.  I disconnect from life if only for a short while.  Doing only  what is necessary, the minimum, until I can have a day or two to recharge.  While checking out reduces the  stress and anxiety of life, it’s equally frustrating when having to check back in.  That is, as needed and usually for professional purposes.   Oh the irony.  Because it is the professional setting that is most stressful.  So now, I’m back at square one.  Equally gaining and losing.  Nevertheless, occasionally checking out will still be my temporary fix for stress management.

As a child, I remember being fascinated by everything around me.  I took to drawing early, trying to capture those things.  My earliest remembrance of this fascination is from elementary school.  Instead of paying attention in class, I went about trying to recreate a design I saw on a hand-woven bag.  My creativity has waxed and waned since then.  As I grew up and became aware of cameras, my interest shifted from drawings to photos.  It never evolved beyond pointing and shooting however.  And just as I lost my passion for drawing and “less than amateur” photography, I lose my desire to write from time to time.  I am almost certain it is related to my instability.  So on days like this, when I’m speechless and lacking or time simply eludes me, I’ll share instead one of my photos in hopes to somehow keep my diminished creative flow from dying altogether.