Waiting for today...: Teeter-Totter

Tuesday, November 4


It’s been a rough week.  I worked five of seven (the last seven) days.  I’m tired.  I did practically nothing yesterday… maybe that’s why I’m tired.  I don’t know.  I don’t like this.  It’s back to work tomorrow.  Monday and Tuesday.  I’m off Thursday and Wednesday but my ass is tired now.  Maybe a walk will perk me up. -- Sunday, November 2nd 2014

The walk was great.  Felt good to stretch my legs.  It was a cold day to take a walk but the air was crisp and refreshing and I was cozy in my faux fur lined fall jacket. After I returned home I had breakfast, took in a movie and took a nap.  When I awoke, still no motivation.   I can’t lie, it trouble me a bit.  As I’ve already mentioned, the first month or so after an acute episode I have to be very careful to not overdo it.  I was afraid I had done just that by working an extra day last week.   I just couldn’t say “no”.   That’s the part of me I still fight against: the part that tells me that I’m selfish.  
So as the negative thinking began, I immediately put into practice a lesson from chapter two of my Mindfulness for Dummies text.  I chose to be gentle with myself and I gave myself the benefit of the doubt.   I neutralized those negative thoughts and feelings by telling myself “perhaps your energy is not yet restored” and “perhaps your battery recharges much slower than you previously realized”.   But most important was the reality that my world wasn’t going to go to shit if I took one more day of rest.  To force myself to do otherwise, I’d be taking a gamble that wouldn’t have been worth it.  

So, I rested easy the rest of the day.  I’ve survived Monday, I’ll muddle through Tuesday and I’ll see how I feel on Wednesday.  Hopefully by then my motivation will have grown from a feeling to a doing.