Waiting for today...: First Comes Apathy, Then...

"Research has shown that such people are overrepresented among cases of fals...

"Research has shown that such people are overrepresented among cases of false confession because the conditions of their illness - such as proneness t... - Nyawela Gianna - Google+

Monday, January 19

First Comes Apathy, Then...



Easter Island statue at the Polynesian Cultural Center in Laie Hawaii




If my mood was a 24 hour day, I fear it may be approaching sunset.  Self-care would make the impossible possible: it would extend the day… hold off the twilight.  Except I don’t very much feel like caring for myself.  At least not in a way that is therapeutic.  Apathy has spotted me.  I’m now in a place that I have been multiple times before: recognizing my needs but taking for granted the good times, the highs, the “normals” and choosing to ignore them. By then it’s too late.  I’m not motivated.  I’m happy to say though that I haven’t neglected my hygiene, or the taking my supplements and medications.  I’ve been making an effort to interact with loved ones because I know it’s soothing to my soul.  Just as I know my faith studies are soothing to my spirit.  But there has been no meditation, exercise has been minimal and my mind doesn’t sit still long enough to set goals much less conceive them.   As the minutes, hours and days go by I’m losing interest in one thing after another.  Or am I just not motivated?  Whatever the case, I can see myself eventually surrendering to the twilight. Which would eventually become dusk… then dark.  I’m not motivated enough to do much more than go through the motions to staying alive.  I don’t want to just wait to see if apathy seizes me.  Should it, irritability would not be far behind.   Darkness would surely descend. How could it not without attention to self-care?