Waiting for today...: From Then To Now

Sunday, May 3

From Then To Now

Welcome Park in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Well, that was before the 15th.  Today, I feel like I’m hanging in the balance. On the one hand, I’m doing well.  The irony in this is that I have little consistency, even less structure yet my state of mind is the best it's been in… ever, really.  But on the other hand, I'm wary. There is an incoming threat.  
We seem to always have issues with our schedule.  No surprise to me.  But it was last week that those issues threw me into a fit, leaving me irritable and frustrated.  Even now, “I don’t feel like being bothered”, which is not good because it means I’m beginning to isolate.  I don’t know where I’ll be in the next two weeks or so.  But I digress.  

My colleague is going on vacation again.  For the third time this year.   And because we are the only case managers assigned to the ER, I have to cover for her... again.  So of the nine vacation days approved by management, I’m working seven of them.  Not to include the two days I am already  scheduled to work just before her vacation.
If I didn’t know any better I would think management wants me to have another breakdown.    
Yes!  It’s that serious!  Enough to throw my life completely off balance.  Next up for me is a swift spiral down into an acute episode of depression.  I shared that with my team leader this past week.  Shared it with my boss on a previous occasion.  And yet little interest was shown to my great suggestions which would satisfy the needs of the department and keep me from losing my meadow muffins.  For two whole days we worked on that schedule just for me to end up with the short straw.  I knew it was going to be short anyway but it didn’t have to be that short.
So now I’m dreading the coming week.  I’m almost feeling helpless.  As if I have a foot wedged into the crevice of a sea stack, watching a gigantic wave barrel down on me.  My choices seem limited.  I need my job.  All I could manage to say in regard to what became the approved schedule was, “we’ll see what happens”.  But unbeknownst to them, what won’t happen the next time I’m expected to cover a colleague’s vacation… I won’t.