Waiting for today...: Monday the 13th: Swinging Low

"Research has shown that such people are overrepresented among cases of fals...

"Research has shown that such people are overrepresented among cases of false confession because the conditions of their illness - such as proneness t... - Nyawela Gianna - Google+

Thursday, July 16

Monday the 13th: Swinging Low



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When I made an appointment to see my therapist, I would have never thought that days later I would begin a game of teeter totter.  But, here I am.  All I’ve wanted to do the last three days is sleep.  And I have slept.  I’ve also treated myself to lunch and took in quite a few movies to help distract me from this dreaded game.   Not quite feeling as though I had enough downtime, I also dreaded my return to work; discontented by the thought of having to be there.  Which is a bit pathetic since it’s only one shift followed two days off.  


It’s a bit scary.  I haven't felt this way in some time and for so many days in a row.  At this point, I’m trying hard to exaggerate my small triumphs to shield my mind from the harsh self-judgement that often comes with this mood swing.  For instance, I did shower today. Not only did I feed and water the cat, but I also scooped the litter, vacuumed the area around the box and took out the trash.  I was supposed to go to the hair salon for a wash and condition, but after the above I couldn’t bring myself to move off the couch except to eat and toilet.  


Besides the languidness, I've been a tad irritable.  Because of this I’ve been avoidant of people;   choosing to spend more time in my head.  Which means I’m also neglectful of my spiritual needs.   The darkness has found me and is closing in like a shadowy figure on a dimly lit street.  Until it’s upon you, your mind is racked with uncertainty.  Fear.  


Although a whole day away, I’m thankful to God for those two days off.  I’ve got to push myself do some additional self-care in those forty-eight hours: mindfulness meditation, a peaceful walk soaking in some fresh air and sunshine, maybe a soothing evening at the beach.  But as of right now, I just want to sleep.