Waiting for today...: I.O.U.

Tuesday, October 13



I was so conflicted as the calendar counted down to Vegas.  I had so many reservations. Mainly, would my mom be gentle and understanding of my depressed state.  And, would I be able to mask my irritability and not lash out at her unfairly.  To my relief our week together went better than my pessimistic mind had me thinking the last few months.

There were plenty of laughs.  Even some tears, on my part, as I spoke about my frustrations of not knowing who I am which was met with compassion on my mom’s part as she shared the struggles she had finally confronting her own pain.  I admit there were also some overwhelming moments: the crowds, the many treks up and down The Strip, the long days. Just being out of the comfort zone of isolation had me on edge.  So even though I made sure to bring my reads, mindfulness coloring book and Bluetooth keyboard to neutralize those anxieties, I needed a break by Wednesday.

I found myself in bed most of that day.  And by Friday, after a long day in the Arizona desert the day before admiring the shapes and colors of the Grand Canyon, I was finally ready to be alone.  But I’m grateful to not have been with anyone else but my mom over the last week. Because through it all the only pressure I felt was, well, self-inflicted.  Also, I wouldn’t have had even half the experiences I did if it wasn’t for her.

Thanks mom.

I love you.