Waiting for today...: April 2016

Friday, April 8

Then & Now...


image original found at Montereyplazahotel.com, also available at istockphoto.com

In my early 20’s, before going off to college, I would take a a few Saturdays per month to pamper myself.  I would style my hair having washed it the night before and letting it air dry overnight.  I would take a nice long bubble bath, exfoliate, shave, give myself a mani-pedi.  I would take hours: writing in my journal by candlelight, music playing… usually classic r&b or neo-soul  I remember it being a huge stress-reliever, making me feel better about myself and helping me to forget about feeling as if almost everyone in my tiny world was constantly against me.  

These days I can barely shower.  I average about twice per week.  Birdbaths have become the norm.  Shaving? Ha!  I’ve only recently started paying for manicures because of to feel more feminine.  Was only getting the every 8 to 12 week trim but now I’m seeing my hairstylist about once per month ‘cause sometimes that's the only time my hair gets washed. My $60 massage membership barely gets used.  I believe I’m up to five sessions to my credit so far.  That’s five months.  And I just cancelled a 1 ½ hour appointment last week ‘cause I just didn’t have the energy to get dressed.

Saturday, April 2

Feeling… Suspended




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“... I've vowed in moments like these I would remain silent. To make any other choice would also be to choose to once again pressure myself to be someone I can’t.” For more about me outside of my struggle with mental illness, visit me here on Google Plus…”